so round about 2:30am this morning i was entertaining on my patio when the sound of sobbing began to interject into the conversation. having just watched pulse, a freaky ghostlies movie of the japanese styles, it is certainly a tense first reaction to hear that soft sobbing slowly coming closer to where we were sitting. when it was obvious that the source of this unintelligible lament was on the move, i turned my attention to finding out if this was nothing more than a passing situation that we would play but wallflowers as best we could until their emotional episode faded off into the early morn, or if this was situation dangerous, with actions required.
i had pegged the girl's location to be about 75 ft away, in the area of the main road by my dwelling. just then, a city fire truck began to slow in about that spot. the truck came to a full stop, no lights, no sirens, i figured not needed at this time of the morning, with hardly anyone about, but then, to my puzzlement, drove off again. they obviously weren't responding to a dispatch to offer aid, and i could hear inter-mixed with the sobbing now bits of conversation, only one voice, choked by tears and the physical heavings and muscle tensings that come with a full on cry spell. it was enough, time to find out.
i found sitting on the walkway, at the edge of the road, a solitary girl. she was rocking and sobbing, and hugging her knees, completely unresponsive to my inquiries as to her status. eventually i was able to get her to tell me she wasn't hurt, that she was far from home, and that was about it. i offered her what i could...a cup of tea, a better place to sit, something to help with the outpouring of various salties and stickies from her face, but she wasn't going for it. she was missing something...or in this case, someone. bradley. there was nobody about, as far as i could tell, so the location of bradley was somewhere other than immediately close by.
she was calling him, again and again, sobbing, and heartbroken. bradley didn't want her, care about her. i tried to get her to communicate with me, to get away from that obsessive despair. then she stood herself up, wobbly like, and made straight for the road. not to cross, to splatter. i tried to get her back onto the sidewalk, talking, trying to maintain a connection so she didn't just go on with that deathwish. she sat down in the road, facing the oncoming traffic, which fortunately for both of us, was held up at the light about half mile down the road. not a lot of time for me to get her out, so i picked her up and put her back on the sidewalk. arm around her shoulder, she was fighting to get back to the street, and i kept telling her that i wasn't going to let her get splattered.
i think she got the point, and went stumbling off towards the complex, calling bradley. i followed, in the dark, making sure she was increasing distance from the road...a ways back as to not have her bolt.
suddenly she went up to a door, opened it, asked where bradley was, then not liking what she heard, turned to go off again. i moved up to the porch, grabbed her sweatshirt to keep her from leaving and opened the door. i asked the kid inside, who didn't seem particularly alarmed, if he knew the girl, and told him to come out and help because she was looking to get splattered. he really didn't seem to care, came to the door, and yelled something out to another kid, who cracked some joke about some other girl they didn't know the location of, who had probably gone off and been more successful at getting herself killed than this one that i happened to interrupt. wtf is this? then an older woman, somebody's mother in this messy group i am sure, poked her head around the side of the townhouse. i asked her if she knew the girl, and her reply was a so unenthusiastic 'kind of.' again, wtf? i told the woman that the girl needed help, and was going to be dead if they didn't do something, because she was still determined, trying this entire time to get out of my grip...which wasn't going to happen. the woman decided to waste her time by getting involved, and took over management of the girl from me. i didn't like the situation, these people didn't seem to care...but i couldn't stick around.
i hate that. we are such great things, people, and fragile within our own hearts. it isn't a good thing to see someone so hooked on one person that their disassociation leaves them feeling so isolated and alone as to consider killing themselves. yet i am not surprised, based on the response of her associates...i certainly won't call them her friends.
grrr, come on people, we can do better for each other, just care a bit. be there for those you see who need someone, so they don't ever feel that alone.
Current Location: home base
Current Mood: determined to improve things
Current Music: cat power
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